Telling People

After my diagnosis I realised that I had three choices, I could:

1. Tell everyone 

2. Tell just my family and close friends

3. Tell nobody

I told everyone…clearly because I decided to write a blog about it! At first, I wasn’t really sure what to do but over the years I had found that the more honest and open I am about things the less lonely I feel and instead I feel supported.  I’ve struggled over the years to say I need help and then when people do help, I feel guilty about it…I don’t want to put anybody out or be a nuisance.  But what I found was that people wanted to help, it was their way of dealing with the news and showing me that they had my back.  I don’t have my parents anymore; my sister doesn’t live nearby and so I was completely reliant on the kindness and generosity of my friends and neighbours.  So, I am learning now to accept that help and not feel guilty about it…I know that I will return the favour at some point and I am just so grateful that we have such amazing friends and family that can and want to help us.  

My friend advised me to contact Lily’s school just to let them know what was happening.  I emailed the head and she sent me the loveliest email confirming that they would support Lily, that I wasn’t alone, and they would do all they could to help us.  Later we saw each other on the school run and I thanked her.  By now I was feeling very positive and she reiterated what she said in her message “we’re a family at this school and we all look after each other!” I was so moved by these words, it just confirmed that feeling we had when we originally looked at the school for Lily, but I struggled to get my words out and instead gave the head a thumbs up and said, “I’m keeping it real!” What? Why did I say that?  And then I couldn’t stop saying it, I don’t even know what that means or what I was keeping real…I was embarrassed for me! Despite all that was going on, I was still the embarrassing Mum in the playground. 

And despite me being embarrassing and weird every day somebody will still send me a message, or pop something through the letterbox to remind me to keep smiling.  Whether it’s a picture or a box of fat rascals (cake post is the best!) the simplest messages of care and love is what has kept me going.  My advice is that whatever you are going through, it helps to talk about it because support and help will sometimes come from the places and people you least expect it to. If my friend Suzy hadn’t decided to tell everyone about her Cancer, then I wouldn’t be where I am today…I’d still just be ignoring my symptoms and hoping everything would just clear up on its own. It made me think that everyone is going through something, it doesn’t matter how big or small that thing is but when you are dealing with it alone it can feel like you are climbing a mountain…sometimes we just need some extra help to get over the top of that mountain.