Anxiety and Bluey

I woke up feeling anxious again. I’m not sure what it is, I want to feel normal again but in some ways I’m scared that if I do I’m going to be let down, that my body will let me down again. I’ve been trying to get some answers, every day I call the hospital or the ENT department trying to find out what is going on. I can’t get a straight answer, somebody will call you back. Meanwhile I’m running out of meds and aware I’m probably due a blood test, not to mention wanting to know my results. I’m frustrated and with this frustration builds anxiety.  This week I did some positive things, firstly I got in touch with Maggie’s. Maggie’s is a charity that offers support to cancer patients and their families. This support comes in all forms; counselling; cups of tea; yoga; relaxation sessions; crafting...they are pretty amazing and after speaking to them I felt reassured. I’d attempted contact with a more local support group but my messages and emails weren’t even acknowledged. Maggie’s picked up first time and had me booked onto their relaxation classes by the time I had put the phone down.

I also spent over an hour chatting to my friend who is a Psychologist. She is amazing at what she does and she gave me lots of tips on how to tackle the anxiety I was feeling. How I could build up to getting back in the car and manage the trauma I had experienced in the hospital. When I put the phone down to her I felt better too, just knowing I was supported and that there were things we could do to help me get back to myself helped so much. Later that day I logged on to the relaxation class with Maggie’s, I found a quiet spot in the house and followed the session. The next thing I knew the lady running the class was wrapping things up...I had fallen asleep for pretty much the entire session. I felt crap when I woke up but less jittery and more inclined to tackle the giant ironing pile that had appeared in the spare bedroom. So I got set up and caught up on The Great British Sewing Bee whilst ironing Lily’s school uniform, I felt quite proud of myself. 

Bluey - Grannies - Joe Brumm

When Lily came home we snuggled up on the settee with snacks and our favourite cartoon “Bluey" if you haven’t seen it, just watch it...seek out the “Grannies" episode and I promise you will laugh so much that any niggle, worry or bad mood will disappear. Lily and I sat and giggled away, my anxiousness disappeared and I felt well enough to tackle bedtime; something I’ve not been able to do properly for weeks. Being Mum again felt good, normal and instead of worrying about everything illness related for a bit I could sit and worry about the mess Lily was making on the bathroom wall with the bath crayons and even that was actually OK!