Radio-iodine

So in a few week's time I am due to start Radio-iodine treatment.  Apparently it's just a precaution to make sure that we got all the cells during the surgery. The other week I had some good news, the second surgery to remove the remaining part of the thyroid showed that there was no cancer present.  You would think I would be buzzing from this news, that I would have cracked open the fizz and danced around the room a bit, but I didn't.  I just said "Oh that's great news!" I then carried on with hoovering the carpet and texted a few people who may want to know.  Everyone was elated, I just felt numb...I think because I knew this didn't change anything, there had still been cancer there at some point and I still had to continue down the same path and have treatment.  In other words, it still wasn't over yet!

With this type of Thyroid Cancer it is treated differently to other cancers.  Whereas the majority are treated with chemotherapy and radiotherapy the Thyroid is treated with radio-iodine.  It's a lot less aggressive than chemo and more straightforward than radiotherapy.  I simply take the radio-iodine in a capsule, with water and we wait.  Sounds really simple doesn't it?  I thought so too and whilst it is pretty straightforward it wasn't until my letter arrived and I read all the things I have to do that I realised maybe it wasn't going to be that simple after all.  The first thing I have to do is start the low iodine diet.  I can do this I thought, I'm pretty much eating everything on the list anyway, but as I kept on reading I discovered that this means you can't eat dairy. As some of you may know...Dairy Milk runs through my veins and I have a separate stomach for all things cake! The diet will mean no milk or white chocolate (only the depressing 70% cocoa stuff.) Cake is a huge no...basically anything with egg in it. I need to switch to non-dairy milk, so I've been practising with oat milk as it's the only one I seem to like and it doesn't go all weird in my coffee.  These things are not completely off limits but I can only consume a tiny amount a week.  Chocolate however, and I double and triple checked, is a massive no! As are biscuits, pancakes and cake. 

On the run up to my treatment, whilst I am behaving like Gillian McKeith I have to travel backwards and forwards down the motorway for Covid swabs and injections, which apparently go in my bottom (not the Covid swabs)...argh!! Once I have been swabbed the whole family must then go into isolation.  I haven't broken this news to Lily but I'm sure by the time I actually leave for the hospital she will be shoving me out of the door, just so she can go to the park like a normal child. I then have to leave my family and live at the hospital for almost a week, completely isolated as I will be radioactive as soon as I have taken the radio-iodine pill.  As I understand staff will throw my food into me and slam the door...like in prison, I think...I'm basing this on Line of Duty.

The room is meant to be nice, there's a TV and DVD player, Wifi, my own bathroom and a fridge. Written in giant capital letters in the information I was sent was that ALCOHOL IS NOT PERMITTED! There goes happy hour then. I need to take old clothes with me as they will be radioactive when I leave, as will I. Before I leave I will be scanned with a geiger counter to check my radioactivity level and then scanned for an hour and a half to see if it all worked! I've also been told that I can get out of the hospital quicker if I drink lots, eat lots and shower twice a day.  Basically I need to wee out all the radioactivity to get out of there!  Once released I will be a danger to children and pregnant women so I have to continue to isolate for a week after, this means we are having to send Lily away, and whilst the dog is pleased about this news Janne and I are going to be completely lost without her.  I've looked at this time as a mini-break but now I am starting to see it as a stint in prison.  Without Lily I'm not sure if Janne and I will have anything to talk about...I also think Janne is slightly nervous of me being radioactive, you know what with the whole Hulk thing.

However, this treatment will mark the end of my cancer journey (hopefully!) I am aware that once I have finished it won't actually be the end. Psychologically it has already messed me up, just a diagnosis of cancer regardless of the prognosis really makes you feel things that you don't want to.  It changes you in that you are more aware of your age and mortality. I feel things that I never used to, like time...how much time do I have? Will I get to do all the things a Mum should with her child as they grow up? What do I want to do with the life I have left? What do I want to see? Who do I want to see? What's that bump or niggle, ache and pain?  It's a mess...whilst I may be cured physically, mentally I think there will still be a battle to continue.

Firstly though my priority is to focus on chocolate and cake eating; I have about three week's left and I intend to make the most of it before I start the "Dr Boring Diet." There is also a chance I will be going back to work on Monday until my treatment starts, which actually makes me happy...despite me wondering how I will find the energy to get through an entire day, just getting up and being normal will be a welcome change to my current life, there are only so many Frasier re-runs I can watch.