Results Day

 

My friend Dannie was supposed to be getting married this year. Like many couples she and her absolutely wonderful fiancé had to postpone the blessing and reception and hen and stag do. Bloody Covid! They still planned to go to the town hall and marry in front of their Mum’s but unfortunately we'd only be able to attend via Dannie's Mum’s phone. 

Dannie has some super friends and her best friend Katie had worked hard on putting together a hen party on Zoom. She’d even arranged it so it took place during the kid’s bedtime so we could leave it all to somebody else and then they’d be tucked up asleep by the time we logged off! Add to this we could also attend in pyjamas...even now I don’t think she realises how much I loved her for that! 

I was looking forward to a couple of hours off and meeting everyone, a few glasses of wine and some fun games. But 10 minutes before I logged on I got an automated text message calling me into ENT the next day. The text filled me with dread...if I was getting a text now on Sunday night to go in to tomorrow there can only have been one result...Cancer! It was bad and we needed to move quick! I panicked and texted Phoebe, how was I going to sit for 2 hours and forget about this news and try to be sociable. All I wanted to do was hide in my bed and cry. My anxiety heightened and I put the wine bottle away, pouring myself some fizzy water in a wine glass to make it look like I was drinking fizz. I was too anxious to drink the real stuff.

For the sake of Dannie I pulled myself together and logged on and we had a fab time. Katie had done a brilliant job of keeping us all entertained and I think we had all embarrassed Dannie enough with our stories! This is the thing...even when you feel at your worst and life feels hard, you must try. Your friends and family will get you through. It’s hard to find what is normal when faced with something that seems so scary and bleak and the fact that people carry on despite you feeling like you are falling apart really messes with your head. I had two choices that night...hide in my cupboard and cry or log on to the hen and laugh until my face hurt. I’m glad I chose the latter, I felt better, stronger and ready for the next day. 

That appointment lasted 5 minutes...only to tell me the guy got the cells!!! He sold himself short but he did it! They still couldn’t tell if the tumour was benign so the cells were being sent to Leeds now to be analysed by the top thyroid specialists. I appreciated this and was told that I would receive yet another appointment to attend and discuss the results and the next steps. More waiting, more worrying, more anxiety. I was tired...I just needed to know.